Pretty Boy Gets the Baby
The other day our monthly newsletter came from the adoption agency. I enjoy reading it. They post updates on what sort of outreach they are doing toward other social service agencies, lectures and informative talks they give to hospitals and clinics that serve the population that often includes birthmothers.
It gives me a feeling of hope; that maybe our chances of being matched sooner will be better because of this.
They also talk about couples who have adopted in the last month, or who have been picked by a birthmother and are waiting for the birth of their child. I usually read through these with a mix of excitement for these parents and sadness because we are not on that list.
Other waiting parents I have spoken with have said they no longer read these because it is too challenging emotionally. And I can understand.
Last month I noticed that a new couple had popped up on the OA&FS (adoption) website in the "waiting parents" section. This is a part of the website that has basic information about all of the waiting parents (including us); such as pictures, bios, and the basics of who they are.
I assume this is for the benefit of birth parents who are looking for suitable people with which to place their child. But I have learned to utilize this as a comparison tool, of sorts. And I suspect a lot of other waiting parents do as well.
I remembered this couple because aside from them being another gay couple, they were at least ten years younger than the average fortysomething couple. I thought that was great at the time. I wish I had started this process sooner!
But then when I opened the newsletter this month and got to the section that includes the placements, I noticed that they have already been matched with a pregnant birthmother. And it stung. Just several days earlier we had a screening for a similar situation.
I couldn't help but feel sad and frustrated. The logical part of me knows that on average, parents wait fifteen months to be matched. Even if we get don't get picked until the beginning of next year, we will still be luckier than those who are floundering in the pool after two years.
And yet.
There is another part of my mind that wonders if there is something we could do differently to make things happen faster, or make us seem more worthy. more attractive to a twenty-something pregnant woman.
In the end I have to let these fears go. The person who picks us will hopefully do so because they feel connected to us. We will be that one couple which stands out from the rest because we feel like home.
There are a lot of things about this process that require just letting go. A lot to be fearful of.I guess that is what a lot of these posts are about.
It gives me a feeling of hope; that maybe our chances of being matched sooner will be better because of this.
They also talk about couples who have adopted in the last month, or who have been picked by a birthmother and are waiting for the birth of their child. I usually read through these with a mix of excitement for these parents and sadness because we are not on that list.
Other waiting parents I have spoken with have said they no longer read these because it is too challenging emotionally. And I can understand.
Last month I noticed that a new couple had popped up on the OA&FS (adoption) website in the "waiting parents" section. This is a part of the website that has basic information about all of the waiting parents (including us); such as pictures, bios, and the basics of who they are.
I assume this is for the benefit of birth parents who are looking for suitable people with which to place their child. But I have learned to utilize this as a comparison tool, of sorts. And I suspect a lot of other waiting parents do as well.
I remembered this couple because aside from them being another gay couple, they were at least ten years younger than the average fortysomething couple. I thought that was great at the time. I wish I had started this process sooner!
But then when I opened the newsletter this month and got to the section that includes the placements, I noticed that they have already been matched with a pregnant birthmother. And it stung. Just several days earlier we had a screening for a similar situation.
I couldn't help but feel sad and frustrated. The logical part of me knows that on average, parents wait fifteen months to be matched. Even if we get don't get picked until the beginning of next year, we will still be luckier than those who are floundering in the pool after two years.
And yet.
There is another part of my mind that wonders if there is something we could do differently to make things happen faster, or make us seem more worthy. more attractive to a twenty-something pregnant woman.
In the end I have to let these fears go. The person who picks us will hopefully do so because they feel connected to us. We will be that one couple which stands out from the rest because we feel like home.
There are a lot of things about this process that require just letting go. A lot to be fearful of.I guess that is what a lot of these posts are about.
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