Full Term
The day we entered the "pool" of waiting adoptive parents and were informed that our home study was approved was April 14th of this year.
The other night K and I were settling into bed for the night.
Me: "Next month we'll be at full term."
K: "What?"
Me: "As of December 14th we will have been in the pool for nine months. Full term."
K: "Oh. I didn't really know when we entered the pool. I thought it was February or March."
Me, suppressing indignation: "Nope."
It is not that he doesn't care. I know he does. He just doesn't beat himself over the head with the details and minutiae of the waiting process nearly as much as I do.
It also doesn't help that I work with children. So it's kind of like being a baker and never getting to eat the frosting.
We both have a hard time with this sense that our lives are in a holding pattern. We are watching our nieces and nephews grow up and we wonder what kind of family we are offering our child.
Old people. Adults. Boredom and routine.
On the other hand, we will offer experience and patience we would not have had. Not to mention better incomes and more opportunities. I know that we are great parenting material. I just think that the long wait tends to make me forget my attributes.
Other parents have lots to do to mark the time up until the baby comes. Ultrasounds. Birthing classes. Physical milestones. All I have is baby weight.....
In light of this I have started a waiting parents group in my town. It has proven to be a challenge to connect with other waiting parents in Portland. The first one I scheduled was last month, but no-one came.
Of course I hope that we get matched soon. My job has taken a turn for the worse, and I am predicting the rest of the school year will be a challenge with not enough staff to really do my job correctly.
Until "it" happens, I'll keep trying to stay positive.
K recently said something about expectations. He said that we set ourselves up mentally for disappointment by thinking about the subject in the first place. I think that is how he stays so calm.
So, what if neither of us worried about it? Unfortunately I have a lifetime of practice at worrying about the consequences and outcomes of situations for other people. I'm not sure I can stop in one day.
But maybe I can remind myself that it is okay to have faith in the process, and let go a little.
The other night K and I were settling into bed for the night.
Me: "Next month we'll be at full term."
K: "What?"
Me: "As of December 14th we will have been in the pool for nine months. Full term."
K: "Oh. I didn't really know when we entered the pool. I thought it was February or March."
Me, suppressing indignation: "Nope."
It is not that he doesn't care. I know he does. He just doesn't beat himself over the head with the details and minutiae of the waiting process nearly as much as I do.
It also doesn't help that I work with children. So it's kind of like being a baker and never getting to eat the frosting.
We both have a hard time with this sense that our lives are in a holding pattern. We are watching our nieces and nephews grow up and we wonder what kind of family we are offering our child.
Old people. Adults. Boredom and routine.
On the other hand, we will offer experience and patience we would not have had. Not to mention better incomes and more opportunities. I know that we are great parenting material. I just think that the long wait tends to make me forget my attributes.
Other parents have lots to do to mark the time up until the baby comes. Ultrasounds. Birthing classes. Physical milestones. All I have is baby weight.....
In light of this I have started a waiting parents group in my town. It has proven to be a challenge to connect with other waiting parents in Portland. The first one I scheduled was last month, but no-one came.
Of course I hope that we get matched soon. My job has taken a turn for the worse, and I am predicting the rest of the school year will be a challenge with not enough staff to really do my job correctly.
Until "it" happens, I'll keep trying to stay positive.
K recently said something about expectations. He said that we set ourselves up mentally for disappointment by thinking about the subject in the first place. I think that is how he stays so calm.
So, what if neither of us worried about it? Unfortunately I have a lifetime of practice at worrying about the consequences and outcomes of situations for other people. I'm not sure I can stop in one day.
But maybe I can remind myself that it is okay to have faith in the process, and let go a little.
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