So this is what they meant by "wait time"?
We have been in the adoption pool for about 3 1/2 months now. The last time I posted, we had just received our first screening email from the agency, which we turned down.
Since then, we have had to screen a lot more potential adoption situations and I think our skin has grown a lot thicker. In fact, lately there has been a lull in communication from the OA&FS Sometimes I fancy they have given up that we will deem any birth situation "acceptable".
Of course that isn't the case. It is perfectly acceptable for us to stay within our comfort level.
It is an advantage that K. is a health care provider, and we can get lots of medical information and opinions from professionals pretty quickly.
On the other hand at times we have been frustrated with the limited amount of information we were given to base our decisions on. Once we found out after the fact from a colleague of K. that a seemingly risky medical situation was not a risk at all.
Yet mostly the birthmothers we are screened for are heavy drinkers. Or meth users. Or maybe they used some heroine, or cocaine, or marijuana early on. Usually always they are smokers. And many have somehow managed to make it to late pregnancy before discovering they were pregnant.
In these situations, many which have been incompatible with our adoption parameters, I have had to remind myself that it isn't helpful to judge the mom (or dad). And that there is another opportunity for that child that works better. I'm not abandoning them.
I work around socioeconomically disadvantaged preschoolers. Sometimes I wonder if that makes it more of a challenge for me than it is for K. I can see what just three years of neglect, abuse, dysfunction, and poverty do to a child.
Hell. I lived it. I was one of those kids.
It breaks my heart some days to know that they might not get another hug, or smile, or meal, or change of clothes until they come back. So, yeah. I worry a lot about the magnitude of our choices, and whether we are being too picky. Too elitist. I am also aware that we are a team, and we have a common goal. And that is important to keep in mind, because that is what families do.
On the up side, I ended up working 3/4 time this summer after being on the assumption that I would have the break off. So I have still been able to work toward paying as many debts down as possible, and contribute more toward our adoption fund as well.
I am looking forward to full-time parenting; I was hoping our matching process would go quickly and that before the end of summer we would be getting to know our birth mom or even have already brought baby home. Now I am starting to look toward the school year again and the challenges that will bring.
As I said before, the money is welcome. The longer we wait, the more prepared we are financially. But of course I couldn't help but hope that life would be tidy and orderly for once and give us a child before I have started my commitment to a new school year.
Since then, we have had to screen a lot more potential adoption situations and I think our skin has grown a lot thicker. In fact, lately there has been a lull in communication from the OA&FS Sometimes I fancy they have given up that we will deem any birth situation "acceptable".
Of course that isn't the case. It is perfectly acceptable for us to stay within our comfort level.
It is an advantage that K. is a health care provider, and we can get lots of medical information and opinions from professionals pretty quickly.
On the other hand at times we have been frustrated with the limited amount of information we were given to base our decisions on. Once we found out after the fact from a colleague of K. that a seemingly risky medical situation was not a risk at all.
Yet mostly the birthmothers we are screened for are heavy drinkers. Or meth users. Or maybe they used some heroine, or cocaine, or marijuana early on. Usually always they are smokers. And many have somehow managed to make it to late pregnancy before discovering they were pregnant.
In these situations, many which have been incompatible with our adoption parameters, I have had to remind myself that it isn't helpful to judge the mom (or dad). And that there is another opportunity for that child that works better. I'm not abandoning them.
I work around socioeconomically disadvantaged preschoolers. Sometimes I wonder if that makes it more of a challenge for me than it is for K. I can see what just three years of neglect, abuse, dysfunction, and poverty do to a child.
Hell. I lived it. I was one of those kids.
It breaks my heart some days to know that they might not get another hug, or smile, or meal, or change of clothes until they come back. So, yeah. I worry a lot about the magnitude of our choices, and whether we are being too picky. Too elitist. I am also aware that we are a team, and we have a common goal. And that is important to keep in mind, because that is what families do.
On the up side, I ended up working 3/4 time this summer after being on the assumption that I would have the break off. So I have still been able to work toward paying as many debts down as possible, and contribute more toward our adoption fund as well.
I am looking forward to full-time parenting; I was hoping our matching process would go quickly and that before the end of summer we would be getting to know our birth mom or even have already brought baby home. Now I am starting to look toward the school year again and the challenges that will bring.
As I said before, the money is welcome. The longer we wait, the more prepared we are financially. But of course I couldn't help but hope that life would be tidy and orderly for once and give us a child before I have started my commitment to a new school year.
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