Our Second Home Study Appointments
11/27/16
This last week both K and I had our individual home study interviews. Mine was on Tuesday afternoon and his was on Wednesday morning; both at the OA&FS office. So I didn't know what to expect.
Since I don't drive, I had to arrange my transportation. I ended up taking a Lyft car across the river into Oregon and then the bus, which all-in-all took about two hours. It reminded me how much simpler it would be to have a license and the ability to use a short-term rental for these types of trips.
Once I got there we sat down in her small office and got right into things. We were both required to turn in a short autobiography, and she asked questions about my life based on this.
I should tell you all that my childhood was (surprise!) not a Norman Rockwell illustration. Or for those of you who are annoyingly younger and clueless, we weren't the Cosbys. (What? Too soon?)
I saw a lot of really terrible abuse done to my mom by my stepdad when I was really young. I grew up really poor, and moved around a lot. My primary education was spotty because of it. Home was both a refuge from the constantly changing cast of characters in the outside world, and an additional place of stress and fear.
So when she began to really peel back the layers, and hear about my history, the interview started to feel more like a therapy session. There was a lot of "That must have been really tough for you." paired with The Face of Compassion.
It lasted about two hours, and I was glad to be done. She was definitely compassionate and non-judgemental. She also reminded me that this wasn't a pass/fail situation. She was gathering information to give the home study a well informed perspective.
One of the great things about this agency is that the birth moms get to read the home study. It gives them a candid, impartial view of who we are and helps them choose the perspective parents that they relate to the best.
So there is someone out there who will be comforted by knowing that I am an abuse survivor and have come out on the other side to live a happy life.
Having said that, talking about the things that happened to me as a child brought up a lot of memories that I have learned to avoid.
For several days after the appointment, I was emotionally raw. I cried a few times with my old ghosts. I know they won't ever go away completely. I think that is the lesson in this. That it is ok to remember and grieve over it sometimes. Healthy even.
K had his the following morning, and it went similarly well. If perhaps not as emotional. After this we have one more at-home visit, and then our home study will get written and approved by us and the agency supervisor within six weeks. At which time we will create our profile book and join the pool of other waiting adoptive parents.
This last week both K and I had our individual home study interviews. Mine was on Tuesday afternoon and his was on Wednesday morning; both at the OA&FS office. So I didn't know what to expect.
Since I don't drive, I had to arrange my transportation. I ended up taking a Lyft car across the river into Oregon and then the bus, which all-in-all took about two hours. It reminded me how much simpler it would be to have a license and the ability to use a short-term rental for these types of trips.
Once I got there we sat down in her small office and got right into things. We were both required to turn in a short autobiography, and she asked questions about my life based on this.
I should tell you all that my childhood was (surprise!) not a Norman Rockwell illustration. Or for those of you who are annoyingly younger and clueless, we weren't the Cosbys. (What? Too soon?)
I saw a lot of really terrible abuse done to my mom by my stepdad when I was really young. I grew up really poor, and moved around a lot. My primary education was spotty because of it. Home was both a refuge from the constantly changing cast of characters in the outside world, and an additional place of stress and fear.
So when she began to really peel back the layers, and hear about my history, the interview started to feel more like a therapy session. There was a lot of "That must have been really tough for you." paired with The Face of Compassion.
It lasted about two hours, and I was glad to be done. She was definitely compassionate and non-judgemental. She also reminded me that this wasn't a pass/fail situation. She was gathering information to give the home study a well informed perspective.
One of the great things about this agency is that the birth moms get to read the home study. It gives them a candid, impartial view of who we are and helps them choose the perspective parents that they relate to the best.
So there is someone out there who will be comforted by knowing that I am an abuse survivor and have come out on the other side to live a happy life.
Having said that, talking about the things that happened to me as a child brought up a lot of memories that I have learned to avoid.
For several days after the appointment, I was emotionally raw. I cried a few times with my old ghosts. I know they won't ever go away completely. I think that is the lesson in this. That it is ok to remember and grieve over it sometimes. Healthy even.
K had his the following morning, and it went similarly well. If perhaps not as emotional. After this we have one more at-home visit, and then our home study will get written and approved by us and the agency supervisor within six weeks. At which time we will create our profile book and join the pool of other waiting adoptive parents.
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